A Shadow Work Story: Chapter 5
The Shadow of Story
You know you’re racking up karma in this lifetime, if your natal sun is in the 12th house.
Astrologically speaking, the twelfth house is kinda confusing. It’s the house of the subconscious, the dream world, hidden things, hidden enemies, self-undoing….
You know, fun stuff like that. 🙃
That’s where the Sun lives in my birth chart.
Super. 🙄
It’s one of the more challenging aspects - and makes for a very different kind of Leo. (If you know me irl, that probably explains a lot.😉)
And for the last several months, The Universe has been really driving the point home that I’ve been my own hidden enemy pretty much my whole life.
I didn’t see it at first. (No surprise there 🙄) - I thought my shadow work chapter was complete for this month, but leave it to Gemini season - leave it to the twins - to slip another chapter in when I was least expecting it.
And this one’s a doozy.
Because it’s much more than the Shadow of Speed…
This is The Shadow of Story, and I’m an awful good writer 😉
Of the stories I tell myself, that is!
It’s in the assumptions I make, and the conclusions I reach long before reality is finished unfolding.
Someone doesn’t text back. I concoct a story.
Someone seems distant. I make up a story.
Someone looks at me strangely. I write a story.
Something uncertain happens, and I have a story for that too!
And then I react internally to the story as if I thought it were true.
I worry about it. I carry it around for hours. I lose sleep over it. I mentally defend myself against it. I feel hurt by it. The story becomes real enough that I forget that I was the one who wrote it.
I have spent years reacting to conversations that never happened, preparing for outcomes that never arrived, fighting enemies that never appeared.
And it hit me recently - once again - (Because apparently I’m not getting the message the first few times!) I have been my own prison guard. I constructed the walls of my own cell, designed to keep me confined in a misery that does not exist.
So now what? How do I break yet another life-long subconscious pattern?